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Aches & Pains
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The Work Of A Doula
Let's Talk about it. |
All
Aches & Pains
Essential Oils In Pregnancy
Labor
Labor Prep
Loss Recovery
The Work Of A Doula
I was scrolling through Facebook a few days ago and I came across a post about this year's company holiday party for my husband's work and it jolted me. It jolted me because on that day one year ago, we found out we were pregnant. A bit unexpectedly so. After years of natural family planning, we took for granted just how not easy or easy, it is to get pregnant. Mother Nature can be a tricky B, after all. We've found ourselves at both ends of the spectrum, conceiving our last child wasn't an easy task. Maybe it was the nonchalance, maybe it was the acupuncture I had been doing...regardless, we were both a bit taken back. I mean, we DO know how this happens (I am an OB nurse) but our reactions were still that of "oh shit" as we sat outside of my husband's company party when I broke the news. Our last child was 7 years ago! We essentially found ourselves starting over. Yikes! Exciting and scary all at the same time. So when my "numbers" (beta hcg) came back so low on day 40 of my cycle, roughly 10 days late for my period, I didn't know how to feel. They would either double in 2-3 days, which meant pregnancy was happening or they wouldn't and I had to prepare myself for a likely loss or missed abortion as we call it in the OB world. Looking back, in my heart of hearts, I felt so uneasy from the get-go. I think my intuition was telling me what my heart couldn't bare. Our little oopsie was, for whatever reason, not meant for this world. Six days later I found myself rooming other pregnant women when my little started to move on. It hit me like a ton of a bricks I didn't see coming, even though I did. When you have a miscarriage, your doctor advises to wait 1-2 cycles before trying again. This has to do with healing but there is also a lot of emotional implications following your loss. When you're in pain, the kind of pain that encompasses everything in you, every physical sense, every emotion you own rolled in to one big hot mess - you can not begin to know how you will manage that pain. I went from rational to irrational to numb to, "I may be crazy, but let's do this again." And that, my friends, is how Ellis Michael was conceived just about 10-15 days later one year ago. We learned of his being the morning my step-brother passed. "A beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison." (kickscount.org.uk) Ellis, from Hebrew Elijah, meaning Lord is my God. Michael, as in archangel Michael and now his angel, Durand Michael. We are so blessed and fortunate. We have so many friends who have struggled with infertility and loss in their journey for a family. The love I have for y'all is real. Thanks for reading and holding my space,
- Rachelle
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